Journaling

Notes To Self

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January 11th.

I’m finally getting around to my reflections from last year. I don’t think it is ever easy when you have to take a critical look at yourself and decide what’s important to work on to be a better person. But it is very necessary, so here goes… 7 notes to myself (just because 7 is my favorite number).

New Year, Better Decisions.

7. Learn to move on.

I find moving on one of the hardest things to do, because sometimes it feels more like “giving up”. I’m the kind of person it takes a while to get it through my head that some things are just not worth laboring over. But moving on and giving up are two completely different paths. Basically if something and/or someone is not adding value to your life, move on. It is a lot easier on paper than it is in actuality. But I think the biggest mistake is when we allow ourselves to be taken for granted more times than needed. We do not help anyone by “staying”, definitely not ourselves.

6. Value true friendships.

If I should mention one of my overall favorite things from last year, it will have to do with the uncharacteristic burst in my friendship belt! I am usually not good at adding on people to my life (hides face). I always think those I have are enough. But I met some really incredible people last year and it showed me that you should never really stop people from coming into your life (you can’t anyways), AND also, you can determine whom you want to stay. Some come for a season, some forever (those are the one’s I love!) Some are there to teach you something about yourself, others are there for you to learn something from them. BUT! Never EVER force a friendship or relationship past its expiration date. It does not look good! I know I like to keep everyone that comes into my life forever, mostly because I hate awkward goodbyes (said or unsaid), and maybe that’s why I’m not a fan of adding on because I never want to deal with that if it ends up coming to it. But at the same time, it is wrong to force that which is just not [happening]. Value the truest friendships and nicely let the bad-tasting, expired ones go… Nicely, of course :)

5. Be open-minded.

Boy do I have a problem with this or what?! I honestly thought I was pretty much all set with being open minded. But I’m realizing that usually my opinions and ideas are [IT] for me, and sometimes I struggle with allowing new ideas to take precedent over mine. But I have found that being open minded is one of the most liberating concepts to embrace because it exposes you to a whole lot more than your own “little world”. I have learned so much more these past couple of months by being open to try out certain suggestions I normally wouldn’t give attention to. And guess what, the one who does not immediately shut h/herself against anything without thought, is more powerful than the one who thinks they know it all and whatever they are familiar with is [IT]. It is amazing the things that work out when you give it a chance. So don’t close the door to certain possibilities (use discretion of course); You never know what’s waiting on the other side.

4. Know your worth.

Very few matters get to me. Honestly, I can’t think of a whole lot that gets under my skin. But one of the few things I struggle with is (drum roll please…) “REJECTION”. Now, I am not talking about men and relationships! :) Just the minute/seemingly “insignificant” stuff that should not really affect you, but yet somehow it does. Example, when I received my first (and only, yay) rejection sticker on my car a few years ago, it was one the saddest days of my life because that label just felt like no one wanted me or my car (dramatic, I know). But even more serious rejections that people deal with are those from say friends, or even schools or programs you might want to be a part of, etc… I was talking to a buddy and he reminded me of how rejection most often has nothing to do with the person, especially if you know you fit every qualification for that particular [thing]. (Now I can make this work for the car scenario, but that’s for another day).

Sometimes what we try so hard to expose ourselves to, or hold on to, is just not the right thing for us.

And I know that’s hard to believe when emotions are involved. But we have got to get the point where if something does not work out the way we want it to, we understand that maybe it is not the best thing for us. And we have got to believe in how great a person we are regardless of things that do not work out that feel like a rejection; I have GOT to believe in how great a person I am regardless of things that do not work out that feel like a rejection (repeat over, and over again)! And that belief goes with knowing your worth. Worth does not come from “stuff” or people, or what we have. It does not come from a degree or any material entity. I cannot stress this enough… Know what you’re worth outside of the “stuff” you possess; Know who you are in Christ.

You were created for a purpose. You are precious. You are favored. You are loved.

No one can ever take that kind of WORTH away from you! Okay lets move on before I write a book on this alone…

3. Regret nothing.

This is NOT a ‘take risk’ spiel. This is a “Kus, do not do anything foolish that you will regret in the future!” Just don’t (sorry Nike). The burden of guilt is too big and unnecessary to deal with, and sometimes we humans make the dumbest mistakes that should have never been made in the first place. And if I have to be real with y’all, I came pretty close to making some pretty dumb moves last year. But what kept me straight is the word “REGRET”. Because I never want to be at a point in life where I think back on something and regret it. It is not healthy; It is not cute; It is just not, not, NOT [insert word]. Do what you know is right, and don’t be fooled into something that you know is not good for you. It is a waste of a perfectly perfect sane piece of mind. Simple :)

2. Common sense over feelings.

I surprised myself with this… When did I start placing feelings over common sense? STAHP IT, KUS! I don’t even have that much to say about this because, well, it is pretty much common sense. Feelings are temporary. Following them when common sense is right smack in your face will put you in trouble. Unless the problem has to do with your feelings over whether to have a Boston Creme Doughnut verses not having it (which of course we all know what should happen in the end), then don’t even sweat it. Hey, there are always exceptions!

1. Stop running.

So the other day Momma said to me, “Akusika, you run from anything difficult.” See now, it is different when you know things about yourself. But when someone points it out to you, it gets a little serious. I have been trying to work on this for the longest time, but I think the issue is “trying”. I need to stop trying and just do it (…and we’re back Nike). It is so easy to run from anything that doesn’t feel like it is worth the trouble to work out. But surprisingly (and I know this for a fact) those same things usually work out with just one more effort, one more try. So with all ego, and pride, and dignity (no, no… not dignity)… Uh, smugness aside — Make it work! Re-evaluate what needs to be done, change a couple things, and take another stab at it. If it is better for the greater good, and if it is important to you, make it work. If it is not, then well… Sorry momma ;)

>>> The Last Word <<<

Did you know the most famous Eiffel Tower took a little over 2 years to complete? That’s approximately seven hundred and thirty days, and then some. Everything great takes precision; it takes time. I know every year millions of people try to work on being a better version of themselves and never really see it through. And I think one of the reasons is that we look at it as one cumbersome project. One huge block of issues bundled up, and within a few weeks, we get tired at chipping away at that block. Greatness does not happen overnight. Whatever goals or plans you have for yourself this year, you have three hundred and sixty five days to work on it. That is a whole lot of days! Take it a little at a time; you will most definitely get there.

Happy New Year! ~ Afehyia Pa! ~ Buon Anno! ~ Feliz Año Nuevo! ~ Bonne Année!

A.

5 thoughts on “Notes To Self

  1. Great notes to self! So much to identify with and glean from. its worth sharing Kus! i am still trying to figure out how “moving on” and ‘giving up” are completely different paths. can you elaborate on the that?

    1. Thank you!! :)
      I think Moving on is when you’re being directly affected in a negative way and its not in your best interest to stay.
      And I feel like giving up or giving in to something is less about yourself. Like if I wanted to try something new someone suggested and it doesn’t work out the first time so I give up easily rather than try other ways to see if it’ll work.

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