Reflections of a Troubled Mind – Part 2

[Read: Reflections of a Troubled Mind – Part 1]

What then do you do, when thoughts of depression and confusion rain down like confetti?

Challenge your thoughts.

Three Words. Never easy. It is a fight.

The battle of the mind is a powerful thing… But it is very possible to win it.

I can’t sit here and tell you I know every feeling associated with depression or suicide. The truth is I don’t. I was pulled out before I spiraled in deeper. I stood in front of that door and listened quietly to the repeated knocks. And even though I felt so broken, I pushed against it, even as I felt it push back. I refused to let it take absolute control, but I struggled with multiple thoughts.

Thoughts of unworthiness, thoughts of sadness, thoughts of failure, thoughts of fear, thoughts of giving up, thoughts of loneliness, sad thoughts, scary thoughts…

And until I made up my mind to rise above [them] and fight, I was in a constant struggle.

“The devil will give up when he sees that you are not going to give in.” – Joyce Meyer

I usually refrain from writing about my faith because most times I feel very inadequate to talk about something I struggle with sometimes. But today I am reminded that faith is not a perfect journey. Personally, having faith in God is one of the hardest things to do but also a very beautiful thing.

Let me put it into perspective. I have a problem trusting people. I would need to know you for a rather long time before I place a level of trust in the friendship, and even then most times I’m very cautious. Now coming from a girl who has issues trusting someone she can “see/feel/have a face-to-face conversation with”, I am allowing myself to trust someone I can’t technically see. (Sorry God, just an explanation). Anyway, do you see what I am getting at?

But this is where faith is also interestingly beautiful. Because as scary as it is for me to trust in what I can’t see, it is amazing to know that there’s someone who will take everything off my shoulders, if I just give it up to Him. I don’t need to know how He will make it right. I just need to trust that He will – Challenging my thoughts.

For anyone that is going through a rough time, or depression, or contemplating suicide – You need to know that you’re not alone, and there’s a God who can make it right.

It doesn’t matter what your race or faith or ethnicity or gender or socioeconomic status is… It certainly doesn’t matter whether you’re black or white or short or tall or the funniest comedian in the world… First of all I’m sending hugs your way (because hugs from strangers are sometimes the best things ever). Secondly, believe me when I say you need to talk to someone about it. Find ONE PERSON you can confide in and talk about it.

If you don’t have that person (or even if you do), I would like to recommend someone to you – God. Whether you choose to believe it or not, you should know that GOD CARES. Denying or accepting that won’t change the fact that He does.

There is a freedom in letting go, and letting God, that you won’t ever understand unless you give it a try.

Everything you go through has a purpose. If you give up now you will never know what it was. Challenge your thoughts. God’s grace is never far behind.

GRACE.

It is hard for me to explain exactly how much this means to me. Writing this post and sharing this journey has taught me the knowledge of God’s Grace. And I am so humbled because I realize now that it is the Grace of God that brought me out. God’s grace is greater than my struggles, my failures, and my fears.

And because of His Grace, I am more than any thoughts of unworthiness, thoughts of sadness, thoughts of failure, thoughts of fear, thoughts of giving up, thoughts of loneliness…

Believe that you are more than your thoughts.

It will be a constant battle until you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And you will, eventually. You will rise above it. I am not saying that there wouldn’t be times when you want to give up. There will be many times, but you have got to fight. Do not allow yourself to drown. If others have made it above the current, you can too. If I made it through, you definitely can.

“…but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My loving kindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9