Speak Up

Thoughts From A Single 20-Something



First let me point out that this is not an angry spiel.

And I am not an angry girl.

I tend to be a very happy person. Normally.

But, seriously though… this is not at all a note from a girl who has guy issues, or who “can’t get some”. No offense, but that’s just not my style.

Call me old-fashioned but I was brought up to have my first with my husband – yes I am saving my first for marriage.

I have been single all my life.

Well technically no, because I have family and friends and Christ. But in terms of having a lifelong companionship, I can honestly say I am very lost. I have no idea of the do’s and don’ts. If you put me in a room with a bunch of TOTALLY GOOD-LOOKING GUYS to choose from, I would probably fumble over my words and just giggle.

It’s not my fault, not really anyway…

…suddenly a girl hits her 20’s and she’s being married off  to the next available guy by everyone and their momma, irrespective of whether or not she’s ready. The other day dad said to me – “So… when are you getting married?”, and lets just say he did not get a happy look from me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents! But the reality is, for a long period of my life – [pre-teen + teenage years], I was told not to hang out with guys. OK WAIT, THAT’S A LIE. I wasn’t specifically told NOT to, but it was IMPLIED. There was a “culture” in my home – no dating or fraternizing with the opposite sex until after you’re married.

How does one go from that to – BAM! Marriage

I’m sure everyone knows their parents well enough to act a certain way around them. I remember anytime I would ride in the car with my dad, I would busy myself with something whenever a TOTALLY GOOD-LOOKING GUY drove by, because I was worried it would prompt a very awkward conversation, in a very closed space, with absolutely no escape whatsoever. And now? Even mom randomly bursts out to me in public – “Wow, that’s a handsome looking man”. [inserting side-eye]

How do you know if you’re ready when you’re not completely sure what to expect?

I have liked, and had crushes. I currently have a crush who doesn’t know, and probably will never know… but like I said, single people sometimes just don’t know what to do. Maybe we’re not ready, maybe we’re just intimidated. Or maybe we simply have no clue how to go about these things.

…maybe the natural thing should be that we should already be in a relationship at this age.

And the pressure increases when everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) gets married.

Facebook in the summer looks like a wedding look-book; Instagram has pictures, of “I said yes”, and engagement photoshoots, and bridal parties

No one’s complaining, really…

But you know what’s funniest? When Mr. DJ calls all the single ladies to the dance floor to catch the bouquet. Sigh… I never go, and its just for personal reasons (which I’m not exactly sure of yet.) But if I had to guess I just don’t think it’s cute seeing ladies scrambling on the floor to get a bouquet so they can get married next. (maybe one day I will try it just for the thrill)

Oh, and I absolutely love, LOVE, when people have the best advice for you on getting a man because they’ve been in relationships that have “STOOD THE TEST OF TIME!” Because 1-3 years is more than enough time… Uh, NO! (this is not for friends that actually have great advice). Listen, I respect all levels of relationships, but if it’s tiresome to constantly get pushed into marriage from someone in a 20+ year union, it’s not any better coming from someone in a young relationship.

In all honesty, cut us some slack.

I don’t think anyone grows up wishing they were single at certain ages. And this is especially for all the twenty-something’s out there loving the single life, while waiting for their better-half. You know what my favorite thing about this ‘waiting’ process is? – Being called a Strong Independent Woman. I don’t take that lightly, because even if it’s not by choice, I embrace it baby!

And I just want to say to you, and myself – Be patient.

I think it would be a lot worse if we rushed into such an important part of our lives after waiting all this time, only to regret our choices “sadly ever after”. At the right time it will happen. And we will know when that time is… Hopefully.

This is my statement to people who ‘inquire’ about my status all the time – “When I know, I’ll know. You know?”

10 thoughts on “Thoughts From A Single 20-Something

  1. I can totally relate. I’m 23 and still haven’t had a real relationship. But we just have to stay positive, because there is still so much time

  2. I like this, it’s so you and very true. The truth is that many people that hop from relationship to relationship still don’t know what they are doing but fear the idea of being single because of the stigma society attaches to it. Definitely continue to work on you until Mr right, Prince charming comes to find you and things will fall into place. Thanks for your openness <3

  3. Hey Kuks! Beautifully honest post. “Singlehood” is a wonderful time. Or SHOULD be. This is when you get to know yourself, pursue your interests, seek to know God, build good friendships and relationships.
    Marriage is a life long commitment there really is no rush although society can make you feel otherwise. :) Be happy. <3

  4. Lol Thanks for posting this I sneaked on fb saw this shared on someone’s page didn’t even know it was your blog but so glad I read it. Thank you for emphasizing that they cut us some slack on the pressure it’s so annoying. The Bible clearly says “He who FINDS a wife” not “She who Finds a husband” our future husbands are either out there or not who knows sometimes God calls people to singleness. Are we to question His will and be in the wrong relationship? I am with you about when the DJ make that call lol not a fan!

  5. Hi, you’ve probably already been nominated but ideally enjoy reading you blog, so I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Award 😊. Check out my blog for your questions.

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