Journaling · Speak Up

When Your Nights Hold More Promise Than Your Days

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“I want to have something to share with this world… I want to make something of myself”.

Bold.

I don’t usually admit or attempt anything bold… Because well, bold is scary.

Bold is Elle Woods going to a party in a bunny costume, and staying after realizing it is a prank. (I would’ve played dead and hope someone carry me out)

Bold is stuffing your face with marshmallows so your 8th grade class can win the team prize (I still remember that day. I also remember that I wimped out)

Life is a lot more interesting when you attempt the bold things that scare you the most.

I know because sometimes I live bold in my dreams. Literally. And if real life is anything like ‘fake life’ in my dreams there will never be a dull day!

In those few hours in the dark, I am in another world living like a superhero with lots of happiness and cupcakes (what’s a happy superhero without a cupcake?). I mean I’m doing things I’ve only imagined. TH-A-NGS! Some that are not even worth mentioning now because it’s a shame it is not real.

And I have to admit that as much as I love bright sunny afternoons, nights are becoming my favorite time of day because everything just seems possible. Clear cut. Easy. Possible. All you do is go to sleep and your dreams spark your imagination(s) to life.

But there’s something wrong when your nights hold so much more promise than your days.

Like the time I vowed to get serious with my fitness goals – next thing I know I’m running 6 miles! SIX GLORIOUS MILES! It was the definition of adrenaline; flying in the woodsy part of my neighborhood. No water break. No rest time. Going past the critters in a crazy speed, it felt like a race. And I was winning. WINNING!

First of all if you’re in a race with tiny four-legged creatures that should be a clue that it is just a dream… Life is not a Disney movie. Second I never run alone in the woods. Eek!

Obviously being bold is a lot more substantial than this. Life goals and ideas are not as simple as we want them. It is never presented with fluidity and ease. It is not running 6 miles in a flash. It is ugly and difficult.

I should admit that [another important] reason why I don’t “do” bold is because more than half the time I am afraid that it wont work out.

FEAR. Fear is one mean little nugget!

Fear is unwelcome 101% of the time. I don’t want it around, but it lurks around anyway. Like that one person that thinks you’re friends [but not really], and you’re too nice to tell them off.

I hate that FEAR makes me HOPE for unrealistic things, and makes me THINK that I can get lucky. That there’s a slim chance things will just happen. Just. Like. That.

To get lucky you have to be, well, REALLY LUCKY! and that’s mighty hard in this world.

FEAR has had me BUILD castles in the air. It has made me BELIEVE many times, beyond a doubt, that things are somehow possible without much effort. Somehow.

There are good beliefs, and there are unrealistically ‘good’ beliefs.

And that which will make you beat yourself up 20-30 years from now is that unrealistically good belief you need to write off.

Two Words – DO SOMETHING.

The entirety of being bold is DOING the unthinkable. Not hoping or wishing or dreaming… but actually doing something and WORKING for it.

I’m constantly coming to the realization that I can aspire, and pray, and meditate, and wait, and do all four over again.

[It] will not happen.

I can learn, and listen, and sleep, and dream, and do all four over, and over, again.

[It] will not happen.

…until I get my hands and knees dirty.

Fail.

Get deeper in the mud.

Fail again.

Get even deeper.

Do.

Work.

The girl who wakes up and gets to work is a lot closer to her idea/dream, than the one who sleeps and dreams of the many ways it can potentially happen without doing anything about it.

And it is important to me that when I’m 80, I not regret any opportunities missed, especially if I had the chance to be bold and do something about them…

6 thoughts on “When Your Nights Hold More Promise Than Your Days

  1. This just hit the nail on the head!! On. the. head.
    Woah. So thank you. Thank you.

    Dreams are for dreaming AND pursuing, fear just tries to put the brakes on pursuing and even on dreaming. Accept its presence and carry on is the answer I suppose…

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